Can You Teach Dance Fat?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Dancing Aerobics Exercise with Fat Obese Girls, Sports Studio Club Fitness by B.K. Bazhe, bazhe.com

The Fly Girls, 20 years later.

Dancing Obese Girl

The Mayans predicted that in the year 2010 the world would witness a prolific change. Some say there were warning of the apocalypse. But watch the above video and be a witness. You are seeing that which will become our savior. A girl of humble beginnings who dances with a passion not yet understood on this mortal plane. When she is ready she will lead us to the holy land, where we will dance fatly for all eternity.

I wait with baited breath until the day she accepts her rightful role as our delicious leader.

Cindy- the Diva of Dance Fat

There have been major stars over the fat decades. In the 50's Shirley Temple's overweight sister Shirblet enchanted audiences with your adorable pudge, rolling around on stage in a pile of fudge. The 70's brought disco and with it the Tubbs and the Blubbs, a funk band famous for their song, "Shake your Neck Fat".

But the undisputed Queen of Dance Fat has and will forever be Cindy. Her passion was palatable (it tasted like gravy) and her vision never compromised. Here we see an excerpt from her acceptance speech from the MTV Video awards after taking home "Best Fat Video" in a landslide. Seriously, the year prior she had caused a landslide after taking home "Best Kiss" at the MTV movie awards.

She passed earlier this year. While the mainstream covered the untimely passing of Michael Jackson, many legit new outlets had the real story. Her body was set to sea, just as she had always wanted. A week later, 2 Cuban boys were found floating on her, presumably searching for freedom. But those in the know understand that they were angels, little cuban angels sent to navigate her home.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Fat German Kid

For everyone shitting all over fat americans, I have this to say...don't forget to shit on fat Germans! Blubber is the international language (except in Ethiopia) and the Germans love to shout it, even after a very early age. Take this little kraut for example, he can't wait to sing his triumphant song! Roughly translated the chorus reads, "I love the water, I love vertical stripes and green pants, I love pirate earrings, but most of all I love my portly dispostion. I am so warm!" Feel free to verify those lyrics.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Single Ladies? More Like Double (Whopper) Mangina

It must be some fermone that Beyonce's apple bottom emits, but her songs seem to induce fat people into a trance where they are compelled to dress in tight-fitting, ill-formed spandex suits and hump to and fro. Personally, it makes me sick. Not in the way that it makes normal people sick. Sick because I slowly see my niche talent becoming too popular and ruining my fledgling dance career.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Dance Fat Special: Fat Americans

Boy oh boy!

Now I know this isn't a dance video, but it is a fat video and just like my mama say, "eating half a pie is better than not eating any pie a'tall". You're damn right about that, Big Mama!

Check out this tribute to Fat Americans doing Fat American things- you can even see my lil' baby brother light himself on fire! We don't talk much these days- he lost a bunch of weight and thought he was better than us. In this video, he's half the size he was when he was living with me in the basement, eating from a trough.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Fat Kid Slaps Mother


While not your conventional dance, this little butterfuck decides to implement a lesser known deviation known as the "Five Finger Pimp Sandwich". The dance is simple-
1. Get pissed at a hoe
2. Let the anger boil into the palm of your hand
3. Once ready, take said hand and elegantly maneuver it across hoes face
4. Repeat as necessary.

If done correctly, it should resemble the salsa. And by salsa, I mean your fat ass is gunna be hungry for some salsa from all that slapping.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dancefat presents: The Skinny Man Shakedown

This dance is most popular in Asian countries, which might help explain why there are so few masters of it. While the fat population in the Far East is not what it is in the God Blessed Country of USA, those fat asses that do dance are revered as Gods.

Here, two well studied mistresses toss around their prop. The hope is to shake loose all his pocket change that they will then collect and spend on Industrial cooking fats. Use your imagination to figure out where they go from there.

Ricky, the dancing fat kid

I think I can somehow be arrested for watching this video. That means you can be arrested for watching this video.

In the prison yard, I'll be the fat guy dancing my fat fucking ass off. Come join me if you think you can hang!

Cankle Bottom Jeans by Sloppy Secondz (Flo Rida "Low" Parody)

Following in the now FAMOUS footsteps of the DanceFat craze, this video looks to bridge the connection between fat dancing and dropping things, most notably your jaw. Or maybe this song is really referring to that time I once dropped a chicken wing into a roll of fat on my neck. Wasn't until 3 weeks later than I discovered it and to my surprise, my neck fat perfectly preserved the chicken and basically acted like a natural toaster! Mmm...I need to go drop some more food into my body oven...

Single Ladies (BIG GIRL REMIX)

"If you haven't had your fill of Beyonce's brilliant lyrical skills and fat, black, ass shaking then I have just the thing for you - Beyonce's brilliant lyrical skills plus THREE TIMES the fat, black, ass shaking!!! What's that you say? Impossible? Well my friends it has been done. And with a panty-free, chocolate-covered, sausage-legged split, I'd say it's been done better than the diva herself. Eat that Sasha Flab!"

Beef Up, Skinny Bitch

You consider yourself a fat dancer? Eat Shit! Better yet, eat a few bars of butter, a wheel of cheese and a few baby mammals. Don't go bringing this weak shit into the church of large booty shakin, Twiggy. The only thing more criminal than your skinny physique are your dance moves- a fat man wouldn't, ney, COULDN'T move like that. You better make damn sure that you're morbidly obese before submitting your next video, Kiera Knightley.

Shake Your Bon Bon

I don't know if this is what Ricky Martin intended when he wrote his timeless classic. I imagine he envisioned a senorita lathered in hot oil swinging her ass in his face (or if you buy into the gay rumors, a dude in a banana hammock jiggling his nuts around). But the same creative freedom that allowed Martin to shake his sculpted ass has birthed this gem- a horrendously fat asshole stirring his belly fat around like a bowl of batter. The nipple licks were a nice touch, too. Now that's what I call "livin la vida I'm gunna be dead in a year!"