Can You Teach Dance Fat?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dancefat presents: The Skinny Man Shakedown

This dance is most popular in Asian countries, which might help explain why there are so few masters of it. While the fat population in the Far East is not what it is in the God Blessed Country of USA, those fat asses that do dance are revered as Gods.

Here, two well studied mistresses toss around their prop. The hope is to shake loose all his pocket change that they will then collect and spend on Industrial cooking fats. Use your imagination to figure out where they go from there.

Ricky, the dancing fat kid

I think I can somehow be arrested for watching this video. That means you can be arrested for watching this video.

In the prison yard, I'll be the fat guy dancing my fat fucking ass off. Come join me if you think you can hang!

Cankle Bottom Jeans by Sloppy Secondz (Flo Rida "Low" Parody)

Following in the now FAMOUS footsteps of the DanceFat craze, this video looks to bridge the connection between fat dancing and dropping things, most notably your jaw. Or maybe this song is really referring to that time I once dropped a chicken wing into a roll of fat on my neck. Wasn't until 3 weeks later than I discovered it and to my surprise, my neck fat perfectly preserved the chicken and basically acted like a natural toaster! Mmm...I need to go drop some more food into my body oven...

Single Ladies (BIG GIRL REMIX)

"If you haven't had your fill of Beyonce's brilliant lyrical skills and fat, black, ass shaking then I have just the thing for you - Beyonce's brilliant lyrical skills plus THREE TIMES the fat, black, ass shaking!!! What's that you say? Impossible? Well my friends it has been done. And with a panty-free, chocolate-covered, sausage-legged split, I'd say it's been done better than the diva herself. Eat that Sasha Flab!"

Beef Up, Skinny Bitch

You consider yourself a fat dancer? Eat Shit! Better yet, eat a few bars of butter, a wheel of cheese and a few baby mammals. Don't go bringing this weak shit into the church of large booty shakin, Twiggy. The only thing more criminal than your skinny physique are your dance moves- a fat man wouldn't, ney, COULDN'T move like that. You better make damn sure that you're morbidly obese before submitting your next video, Kiera Knightley.

Shake Your Bon Bon

I don't know if this is what Ricky Martin intended when he wrote his timeless classic. I imagine he envisioned a senorita lathered in hot oil swinging her ass in his face (or if you buy into the gay rumors, a dude in a banana hammock jiggling his nuts around). But the same creative freedom that allowed Martin to shake his sculpted ass has birthed this gem- a horrendously fat asshole stirring his belly fat around like a bowl of batter. The nipple licks were a nice touch, too. Now that's what I call "livin la vida I'm gunna be dead in a year!"